Why Don't They Like Us?

The University of Arizona's cease and desist court order came as something of a surprise. For one, what college doesn't have a high school somewhere in the United States with a suspiciously similar mascot? Not many, to be sure.

The following reasons are my assumptions why the U of Az doesn't like Woodrow.

(NOTE: I should probably state outright  before I get much further that I have not researched this at all. In fact, everything here is pretty much made up quickly with malice in my heart--a sort of grand mal hissy fit, if you will. Enjoy!)
  1. Woodrow is poor. Yup, I said it: we're poor. In fact, over half the population of our school falls under what educators and politicians politely call "low socioeconomic standing." That's probably why the U of Az only sent a C&D to the principal; as a low-income, inner-city school in a large, metropolitan setting like Dallas, we just don't have enough money to make suing worth it. Heck, we're so poor, we can't even pay attention. A big time PAC-12 school like the U of Az ain't got time to be seen with us.
  2. Woodrow has only produced two Heisman trophy winners, whereas the U of Az has produced... um, none, really. And that embarrasses them. Thus, in anger and petty jealousy, they threaten Woodrow. That's classy.
  3. Woodrow's Wildcat was created in 1928 when the school opened. Arizona's wildcat was adopted as a mascot in 1915, thirty years after the place was opened; they trapped an actual, living bobcat for use as their mascot. Clearly, one assumes such savagery and animal abuse is commonplace in the territories even today. Woodrow, on the other hand, had adopted their mascot before the doors even opened. It's also worth noting that Arizona didn't even have a costumed mascot until the 1950s, well after Woodrow Wilson High School.
  4. Texas was a state when Woodrow opened. The U of Az was founded before Arizona was even admitted as a state, which in my mind calls to question their accreditation.
  5. Having swiped their mascot's appearance from the Cub Scouts of America's Bobcat badge, they are sensitive to copyright infringement. Note: the only real difference between the two is that their bobcat's mouth is open while the Cub Scouts' mouth is closed. That's right, their bobcat is a mouth-breather.
  6. Woodrow's student population is nearly two-thirds Hispanic. The state of Arizona is proud of a suspicious vigilante organization called the Minuteman Project, the purpose of which was to "patrol" the Arizona-Mexico border.
  7. Worldwide, Arizona's most famous moment in history happened in a city called Tombstone, when a family of well-to-do vigilantes murdered some poor white trash in an alley. Dallas, on the other hand, killed JFK. We'll call this a tie.
  8. Woodrow regularly sends students to Southern Methodist University where they graduate and enjoy rewarding careers in legitimate fields. Kourtney Kardashian dropped out of SMU after two years and finished her degree at U of Az in "theater arts". Just sayin'...
So, why do they hate us? I'm guessing it has something to do with the unrelenting heat of the desert sun, their state's tradition of violence and lawlessness, and their profound paucity of meaningful athletic accomplishments. Perhaps they just don't have anything better to do out there. I just don't know.

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